This has been the hardest week ever, wondering and waiting.
Knowing this is something we have absolutely no control over.
Knowing we did everything we could to make this happen and it's out of our hands.
I'm trying so hard to be positive.
Daily conversation with myself:
Am I pregnant?
I don't know.
Maybe.
Maybe I'm not.
Maybe this didn't work and I just need to accept that.
Stay positive. You don't know.
But I don't have any symptoms.
Maybe it's too early.
But other girls' blogs say they have some symptoms.
Am I feeling more tired, nauseous, hungry, sore?
No.
Does that really mean anything?
I don't know.
Should I be worried?
Do I need a blood test?
I think I feel a little crampy. Was that a cramp?
If it was, is that good or bad?
There's no reason this couldn't work.
It could already be working and our babies are growing right now.
Or maybe it didn't work.
Maybe you're waiting until next Friday to find out what you already know.
That it didn't work.
Stop it.
Stay positive.
You don't/can't know anything at this point.
Stay positive, it's not over.
Okay.
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Last night I was on the verge of breaking down but it was late and it would have been the wrong time to bring up something we can't do anything about and something we have absolutely no control over. And something that has no real conclusion.
Okay, must...hold it in...and stay positive. Two tears escaped but I quickly wiped them away and went to sleep. No break down...but the will power to push it away is getting thin.
I just had to vent. I've been holding it in since Wednesday. You knew eventually the wall would start to crumble. But now it's Friday and that means we only have one more week to go. If we were vacationing in Hawaii our week would fly by. Anyone have any cheap tickets?? Frequent flier miles you were just going to throw away?? :)
4 comments:
Feel free to break down. It doesn't do any good to keep it all inside. It'll probably make you feel better. Speaking from experience, we just experienced a miscarriage and I kept it all in......then I just exploded one day. It was awful. So if you feel like breaking down, I say do it. Trust in the Lord and he'll always be with you. If nothing else, your friends are here and have ample and willing shoulders (or ears) to lean on.
:O)
if nothing else to waste time, get a series on dvd and watch it or reread the twilight series this week. that should help.maybe.....
Faith is a really difficult concept, huh? Easy to say, hard to do! Like Rebekah said, talk about it. And talk some more...we're always here to listen! And try to keep busy...go for a walk, organize stuff on the computer, do something for someone else...hope this helps!
Maren did't have any symptoms, I Think you'll have to wait until friday to know.
I have tons of family photo projects that need help if you need something to do to kill the time....
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